A Very Xmen insert holiday here!
by EE's Skysong
Summary: An Xmen Christmas special. Tweaked carols, spiked punch, and much holiday randomness with my fav pairings besides Kurtty! 'Nuff said. R&R!


Disclaimer: Everything belongs to its rightful owner. In a perfect world, that would be me, but eh, people still eat meat, don't they?

(An: Since it's my first holiday season as a fanfic writer, I decided to celebrate by writing this, my own little holiday thingy! Also, I needed some way to let out all my excess humor! And song lyrics are in bold.)

**_A very X-men –insert holiday here_**-

Our scene opens on the X-mansion's doorstep, where the Acolytes and Brotherhood are huddled, smiling nervously.

Scott is leaning out of the doorway, giving them all skeptical looks. Since it's Christmas, he decides to give them the benefit of the doubt. "What do you guys want?"

After a brief, heated argument, Gambit is shoved forward. He shrugs, putting on a big fake smile for the occasion. "Uh, well, y' see, John was messin' around wit' his lighter collection and he ended up burnin' down de base. So we went t' de B-hood house, and dat got Lance so mad dat he ended up collapsin' de entire place. Remy got kicked outta his apartment 'cause de landlady don' like mutants, so we were hopin' mebbe y'all could take us in for a while?"

By now Scott is looking very scared. "Uh, PROFESSOR!!!"

A WHILE LATER, THE PROFESSOR'S STUDY…

"So what you're saying is you've got nowhere else to go?" says Charles, looking at them over his steepled fingers.

"Ah, _oui_," Remy says, looking uncomfortable.

"Well, I don't see the harm in you all staying here for a few days," Charles says, smiling.

Remy looks relieved now. "_Merci!_"

"We're still setting up for the holidays…"

ABOUT TEN MINUTES LATER…

Our scene changes to the rec room, where the furniture has been moved around to make space for the truly gigantic tree which Logan, Ororo, Beast, and now Piotr are trying to set up.

Suddenly, for no real reason at all the professor bursts into song, waving his arms. "**Haul out the holly!**

**Bring out the tree before my spirit falls again-" **

As though on cue, the tree begins to tip. "Oh, that's not good!" Piotr cries, trying to avoid the tree as it tips over.

Hank bounds onto the top of the tree, setting it to rights. "Um, can someone help me get down?" he asks, clinging to the top of the tree and shivering.

"Oh dear," Piotr murmurs, rubbing the back of his neck. "Does someone have a ladder?"

"BE QUIET!" the professor yells. "CAN'T YOU SEE I'M SINGING?!"

"**Fill up the stockings!**

**I may be rushing things but- deck the halls again now!**

**For we need a little Christmas**

**Right this very minute**

**Candles in the window!**

**Carols at the spinet!" **

"My English isn't the best. What's a spinet?" Piotr asks.

"Spinet: noun, 1: an early harpisichord having a single keyboard and only one string for each note, 2 a: a compactly built small upright piano b: a small electronic organ."

"Ah."

"ARE YOU QUITE DONE?!"

"Yes, go on, go on."

"**For we need a little Christmas**

**Right this very minute**

**It hasn't snowed a single flurry**

**But Santa dear we're in a hurry!**

**So climb down the chimney!**

**Turn on the brightest string of lights I've ever seen!**

**Slice up the fruitcake!"**

We see Logan attempting just this and nearly breaking his claws.

"Oh dear," Hank murmurs. "I'll get the first aid kit. And perhaps some super glue."

"**It's time we hung some tinsel on that evergreen bough**

**For we need a little Christmas **

**Right this very minute**

**Candles in the window!**

**Carols at the spinet!**

**Yes, we need a little Christmas**

**Right this very minute!**

**Need a little Christmas now!**

**For we need a little music**

**Need a little laughter- HA!**

**Need a little singing**

**Ringing through the rafter**

**And we need a little snappy**

**Happy ever after!**

**We need a little Christmas**

**Need a little Christmas now!" **

"Are you done?" Hank asks.

"Why, yes, I believe I am," the professor says, blinking. "That was odd."

"So y'all are stayin' here for Christmas," says Rogue, shaking her head.

"Yep," says Wanda. "The future looks bleak."

Scott is lugging down some spare lights from the attic when there is another knock at the door. He sets the box down and opens it, fully expecting Magneto or Mystique to be standing there, begging for a warm reception like their charges. Instead, he is greeted by two girls, one a teenager lugging a laptop, the other a mutant who is having fun ringing the bell.

"Who're you?" Scott asks, raising his eyebrows.

"Jazz, you can stop ringing the bell now," says the girl. "I'm the authoress, of course. I don't want to hang around my house anymore than I have to, so I'm here."

"Why'd you bring your OC?"

"She likes eggnog," M.A. replies with a shrug.

"Okaaaaay," says Scott. "But we don't have eggnog. We have punch."

"Close enough," Jazz replies.

"Um, ok," Scott says, and steps aside so the girls can come in.

M.A. jumps on the table in the rec room and cries, "Now let's get this party started!"

Everyone ignores her. She shrugs, and goes off to type in her shadowy corner. Evil laughter rings throughout the room, but no one seems to notice.

Jazz hovers (as in literally, she can fly, remember?) by the punch bowl, drinking glass after glass of the sweet red stuff.

The camera zooms in on Remy, sneaking along the ground, avoiding all the people. He looks around, and then pops up by the punch bowl.

"Hiya, bayou boy," Jazz says, grinning (her animosity is forgotten due to the fact that she's had so much sugar). "Lemme guess, you're about to spike the punch."

Remy winces. "_Oui_," he says, fearing the results.

"CO-OL! I was waitin' for someone to do it!" She steps aside. "But you know what this means?"

Remy tips a small brown bottle into the punch and stirs it, grinning. "What?"

"Somewhere, somehow, in the background, the theme from Mission Impossible is playing!" Jazz scoops up a gigantic glass from the bowl and flaps up to the rafters to get drunk.

Remy grabs two glasses of the now alcoholic punch and heads over to where Rogue is sitting, glaring at the happy couples perched around the room. "_Bonjour chere_," he says, grinning.

Rogue glares at him, then sees the punch. "Did ya spike it yet?" she asks, accepting the offered glass.

"Yep," Remy says, bobbing his head.

"Very good. You can sit bah me," she says, scooting over on the step.

Remy winks at the camera.

MEANWHILE, OVER BY THE TREE…

"Rattzafrattzin mile-long stupid lights…" Logan mutters, as he tries to untangle the tree lights. "Hey, Gumbo, commere!" He now has them untangled, but can't tell if they're all working.

Remy doesn't budge from his spot on the steps. "Whaddya want _moi_ for?" he asks, preferring to take his shots from a distance.

"Ya really wanna know why, Gumbo?" Logan asks, coming closer. He grins.

"Yeah, I do," Remy says.

"'Cause you're-" now Logan leans in really close, and begins to sing,

"**Gumbo the red eyed mutant,**

**Had some very shiny eyes,**

**And if ya ever saw them, **

**They'd be the type that you'd despise!**

**All of the other mutants**-" (He sings this song to the tune of "Rudolph the red nosed reindeer.")

Remy sits there for a second, clearly in shock, and then snaps out his bo staff. He smacks Logan over the head with it. "_Mon Dieu_," he mutters. "So, den, where's Jean and 'Ro?"

"They're in the kitchen, cookin'," Rogue replies. "We hadta threaten Kitty ta keep her from 'helpin'."

"How'd y' do dat?" Remy asks.

"We hadta threaten her pet turkey, Gobbles…"

FLASHBACK, A FEW HOURS AGO!

We see Kitty hugging a turkey. This does not look like a smart turkey. His head drags on the ground and his feathers are rather scraggly. This does not seem to bother Kitty though, because she doesn't relinquish her grip on it. "NO!"

"But Kitty-" says Ororo.

"NO! You can't kill Gobbles!"

"But-"

"NO!!!"

Rogue sighs and walks up to Kitty. "Hey, Kitty-cat, we won't hurt yahr little friend if ya get outta the kitchen and nevah come back…"

Kitty got while the getting was good, clutching Gobbles, shouting something about setting him free.

END FLASHBACK

"Weird…"

"Yeah, Ah know, but it was the only way ta make Kitty leave."

"Whatever works for y'. Wanna go investigate de kitchen?" Remy asks, perking up at the thought of food.

Rogue shrugs. "Sure. Don't have anythin' bettah ta do," she says.

Remy and Rogue walk over to the kitchen. They sneak inside. Remy prods something lying on the counter. It tries to bite him. "What de hell?!"

"Hmm," Rogue murmurs, investigating the food. "Maybe Kit **did** make somethin'."

Just then, Jean spots Remy trying to add some spice to the gravy. "GET OUT!" she shrieks, using a "gentle" telekinetic push to get them out of the kitchen.

Remy blinks, looking rather affronted. "I was jus' tryin' t' help," he says.

Rogue shrugs. "Jean's kinda touchy about her cookin'. Probably shoulda warned ya."

"Ah," Remy says, nodding.

Remy and Rogue head back to their step. "So, _chere_, been meanin' t' ask y'."

"What?" Rogue asks, looking a little bit eager.

Remy clears his throat and jumps on top of the table.

"**May we, may we,**

**Spend dis Christmas in Paree?**

**M' love, what do y' say**

**To a sentimental holiday?" **

Remy pulls Rogue up beside him and puts a poinsettia in her hair.

"**M' flower, we'll sit atop de Eiffel Tower**

**With a star t' make it our**

**Christmas tree**"

Nobody seems to really notice Remy singing, by the way. He kisses her hand, and continues singing.

"**I'd love t' share dis yuletide**

**rendezvous**

**So, may we?**

**Say, '_mais oui_'!" **

He begins to stroll down the table, waving his arms as Rogue listens, not sure whether to be flattered or call him an idiot.

"**May we, may we**

**Spend dis Christmas in Paree?**

**We'll stroll down by de Seine**

**Eatin' Christmas cake and**

**Quiche lorraine**

**De view, along de snowy avenue**

**De aroma from de boulangerie**"

"Did he say lingerie?" Rogue asks, giving him a suspicious look.

Remy just smiles oh-so-innocently.

"**I'd love t' share dis season made for two**

**So, may we?**

**Say, '_mais oui!_**'"

Rogue grins. "Anywhere but here, sugah," she cries.

"Score one for anarchy," Jazz yells, since she's the only one who's been watching this.

"**Yes!**

**I say, '_Joyeux Noel a vous,'_**

**That means, 'Merry Christmas t' y',' _chere_, **

**I'd love t' share dis Christmas**

**Time wit' y'**

**So m' sweet, come wit' m',**

**_Si vous plait, _say, '_mais oui_**!"

"Now, the question is, how do we get there?" Rogue says.

Remy puts a finger to his lips. "Before we go, we should cause a bit o' chaos, don' y' t'ink?"

"Like what?"

Remy whispers something in her ear. As he unveils his plan, Rogue begins to grin. "So, what do y' t'ink?"

"Perfect…" Rogue says, rubbing her hands together and smirking.

"T'ought y'd say dat," Remy agrees, also smirking.

While they plot, we'll switch to Pietro, who's, um, "suggesting" what he'd like for Christmas from all of his Brotherhood "friends".

"I can sum it up in three words, my friends."

"Which are?" Todd asks.

Pietro clears his throat and jumps atop a chair.

"**All I want for Christmas is more, more, more,**

**More than a guy ever got before!**

**Gimme caboodles and oodles and oodles**

**And soon all my loot'll slide out the door!**"

Wanda twitches. "I'm gonna go bug John," she mutters.

"But he's insane!" Fred cries.

"Compared to you guys, he's a psychiatrist."

Pietro ignores her and begins to dance around, singing.

"**I hope Santa brings a real truckload**

**It won't all fit into his sleigh**

**This Christmas I want a real duck-load**

**To put the haul in haul-i-day! **

**Hey hey hey!!!"**

"Duck-load?" Fred asks, cocking his head.

"It's the song lyrics," Pietro replies with a shrug. "Anyway…"

"**Oh, 'tis better to give than receive, they say**

**I know you've heard that before,**

**I'll give my advice and that is it's nice**

**To get more, more, more!!!**

**All I want for Christmas is more, more, more**

**More than you might give a dinosaur!**

**I'd like a million, maybe a billion,**

'**Til I'm too silly and can't keep score!**"

"Multiply Fred's weight by five and you'll be close to how much it should weigh," Pietro informs Todd and Fred, who by now are the only ones listening to him.

"**And when Santa comes down my chimney**

**With gifties and goodies galore**

**I hope he can squish in**

'**Cause I will be wishin'**

**For more, more, more!"**

Pietro walks over to Wanda, and begins to sing to her. Wanda begins to twitch.

"**If yours is silver, **

**Then mine must be gold.**

**If yours needs a push, **

**Mine's remote controlled!"**

Unbeknownst to Pie, Wanda is balling up her fists and looks like she's about to snap.

"**If yours goes 'whoosh'!**

**Then mine goes 'zoom!'**

**If yours says 'rat-tat-tat'**

**Then mine goes 'KABOOM!'" **

Pietro's last statement is accented by Tabitha (who as a once-B-hood-member, felt it her place to help shut him up) throwing a number of cherry bombs at him.

"Ha ha, very funny, it is to laugh!" Pietro yells as he stands up.

"**And when Santa comes down my chimney**

**With gifties and goodies galore**

**I hope he can squish in,**

'**Cause I will be wishin'**

**For MORE, MORE, MORE!!!" **

Wanda finally snaps and tackles Pie. She then drags him off to the bathroom, where the sounds of screaming can be heard. A few minutes later, she comes back out, dragging along a soggy, bald Pietro. "My hair! My beautiful hair!"

"Shut up," Wanda snaps.

Now, we'll head back to Remy and Rogue, who have found a bit of the wrench in the works. Jean, outraged by the original invasion of her domain, has put up a telekinetic shield around the kitchen.

"What do we do now?" Remy asks.

Rogue looks around. Her eyes settle on a retreating blond boy, dragging a redhead beneath the mistletoe. "Sam'll help us. He's a good Southern boy. We can get in through the window."

"_Bon!_" Remy cries. "I knew dere was a reason I liked y'."

As for Logan, he's now watching Kitty put ornaments on the tree. Every once in a while, he'll think she's done, and then- "A GAP!" Then Kitty rushes to rectify the situation by putting another bulb on the tree.

"Half-Pint, it looks FINE!" Logan cries, exasperated.

However, Kitty will have none of it. "A GAP!" she shrieks, and pounces on the tree again.

John is watching the giggling couples with Wanda, perched above the fireplace. Among said couples are Bobby and Jubilee, Amara and Rob, and Ray and Tabitha. "Nice, ain't it?" he asks, gesturing at them.

"Nice, but not as interesting as them," Wanda says, pointing out Sam and Rahne, who are attempting to sneak off and steal some alone time. Then of course they both see that Rogue and Remy are following them, or more specifically, Sam.

"Wonder what they're doin'," John muses, swinging his legs. "Shall we investigate?"

Wanda grins. "I thought you'd never ask."

Now we're going to move to Kurt and Jazz.

"Hiya Jazz," Kurt says, with a hopeful grin.

"Whaddya want, fuzzbutt?" Jazz asks, sipping some more punch.

"Don't you think you've had enough of that?" Kurt asks, brought off topic by all the cups Jazz is surrounded by.

"Too much is never enough!" Jazz cries, sticking her finger in the air.

"Um, okay," Kurt says. "Well, anyway, I was wondering if you would help me go get Amanda."

Jazz squints into her now empty glass. It joins the other cups. "But the author's a Kurtty

Shipper," she says, frowning.

"That's why I need your help," Kurt whispers. "If she sees me, I'm toast."

"Why the hell not," Jazz says.

"Cool!"

Together, the two manage to slip out, past the other teens, the professor, and yes, even my watchful eye. Kurt could've sworn that Jazz was humming the theme to Mission Impossible underneath her breath.

AT AMANDA'S HOUSE…

We see Amanda, leaning out of her window, clearly waiting for Kurt.

She spots him and waves furiously. Then she mouths, 'My parents are downstairs' and gestures at the tree near her window.

Instead of using common sense and his powers, Kurt decides to climb the tree. "Jazz, gimme a boost."

"All righty, then," Jazz says. She pushes him up to the lowest branch.

Of course, no one sees (or hears) Mr. Sefton, who is watching all of this from his window.

"**I thought I saw ole Kurty Claus**

**Right outside my window**

**With a red X-suit and furry paws**

**I hope he don't get in though**

'**Cause Santa comes down the chimney**

**He usually don't climb a tree!**"

Just then, Kurt falls out of the tree. Jazz attempts to catch him, but the alcohol has dimmed her senses somewhat, and Kurt hits the ground with a painful thump. "Ooh, sorry mate," Jazz says, wincing. She helps him up. "Attempt number two, then."

Kurt licks his lips and Jazz hoists him up again. "I'll get up there, Amanda, don't you worry!"

However, Amanda does look a tad worried, even when Jazz gives her the thumbs up.

"**And he don't lick his chops at me**

**That jolly old Kurty Claus!**"

Margali joins Mr. Sefton. She frowns at Kurt and Jazz, who are still attempting to climb that stupid tree. "Should we stop them?"

"Not yet," he says, shaking his head.

"Why not?"

"I haven't finished my song!"

"Aw, stuff it!" Jazz yells, after Kurt falls out of the tree a third time. "I'm getting' a ladder!"

"Just hurry up," Amanda calls, looking around nervously.

"Yeah, yeah, shut your gob," Jazz mutters.

"**I thought I saw old Kurty Claus**

**Goin' to get a ladder**

**With a big white smile and fang-filled jaws,**

**I thought that he'd be fatter!"**

Jazz comes back with a large ladder, staggering beneath its weight. "Hurry up!"

Kurt scrambles into Amanda's room.

Outraged, the Seftons burst in, to find Kurt swinging from the chandelier. Margali moves forward to oust the offender, while Mr. Sefton goes on singing.

"**There ain't no sleigh with goodies here**

**And no reindeer, no Christmas cheer,**

**And now he's swingin' on a chandelier!**

**That funny old Kurty Claus!**"

Kurt waves. "You really think I'm funny?"

Margali glares at him, and begins to bounce on the bed, reaching for his swinging tail.

Jazz, hearing all the crashing, shouts up, "Are you guys ok?"

Mr. Sefton leans out the window. "Who are you, anyway?"

"Not important! Just finish the song!"

He shrugs and does as he's told.

"**I thought I saw old Kurty claws**

**Sharpenin' his fangs and droolin'"**

"I DO NOT DROOL!!!"

"**With a tail back where his fanny was**

**Who's he think he's foolin'?**

'**Cause underneath those pointy ears**

**He looks like that old fuzzy elf!**

**And he don't know I got a baseball bat!" **

Kurt blanches (you couldn't really tell) as Margali returns, swinging a large mallet.

"EEP!"

"**I know it wasn't him because**

**Kurty don't have no claws!**"

Kurt finally reaches Amanda and bamfs out.

"Crap," Mr. Sefton mutters.

"See ya, mutie haters!" Jazz yells, and heads off in the general direction of the mansion, dragging her ladder.

Mr. Sefton twitches, while Margali waves her mallet and swears in German.

BACK AT THE MANSION…

Remy and Rogue catch up to Rahne and Sam, who are, ahm, making use of some mistletoe.

The startled teens jump apart, blushing like mad. "It's not what it looks like!" they both cry.

"Say, Sam," Rogue says, walking up to him. "How'd ya like ta help us put some **real** food in the kitchen?"

Sam, still blushing, gives them a suspicious look. "What do ya mean?"

"Ah mean some **real** Southern cookin'," Rogue replies.

Sam perks up. "Like with spices?"

Remy waves a small bottle. "_Mon ami,_ y'll be in spice heaven."

"Count me in!" Sam says, bobbing his head. "Can Ah get back to this, Rahne?" he asks, blushing a bit again.

"Hey, I wanna help," Rahne replies.

"Do ya like turkey?" Rogue asks.

"Aye, what do ye want me to do?" Rahne asks, grinning now.

"Goes like dis…" says Remy, leaning in. Of course, they don't notice John and Wanda, who are watching from behind a large potted plant.

AT THE CHRISTMAS TREE…

Kitty sighs as she lights her menorah. "It's times like this when I, like, hate being Jewish," she mutters.

"I think it's great," Lance tells her.

"Why would you, like, think that?"

"Kitty, you've never been involved in a mansion Christmas before," Logan agrees. "Listen up, and listen good."

Animosities forgotten, Scott, Logan, and Lance begin to sing, bemoaning the woes of Christmas.

"**The first really annoying thing about Christmas is:"**

**Logan: -lugging out another box of lights for outside- Settin' up those idiotic lights! **

**The second really annoying thing about Christmas is:**

**Lance: -throws a bucket of water on would-be serenaders- Annoying carolers!**

**Logan: -gazing hopelessly at the knot of lights- And settin' up these idiotic lights!**

**The third really annoying thing about Christmas is:**

**Scott: -rubbing his eyes- Too many red things!**

**Lance: -waving his fists at the now battering-ram-carrying carolers- Annoying carolers!**

**Logan: -trying to use his claws to cut through a knot, to no avail- And settin' up these –censored- lights!**

**The fourth really annoying thing about Christmas is:**

**Jazz: -rubbing her head- Way too much punch!**

**Scott: -banging his head against the table- Too many red things!**

**Lance: -trying to hold the door shut- Annoying carolers!**

**Logan: -screaming- AND SETTIN' UP THESE –BEEP- LIGHTS!**

**The fifth really annoying thing about Christmas is:**

**Ororo: Fifty things to cook!**

**Jazz: Waaaay… too… much punch.**

**Scott: -trying to track down eye drops- Too many red things!**

**Lance: -enlisting the help of Piotr to keep the door shut- Annoying carolers!**

**Logan: -freaking out because one light's burned out and the rest are flickering- And settin' up these idiotic lights!**

**The sixth really annoying thing about Christmas is:**

**Amara: -shivering- Stupid frikkin' snow!**

**Ororo: Fifty things to cook!**

**Jazz: Gah… I need a beer…**

**Scott: -has just discovered the empty bottle of eye drops, and is close to tears- Too many red things!**

**Lance: -trying to make the ground ripple to set back the carolers a bit- Annoying carolers!**

**Logan: -whimpering, since that one bulb broke they've all given up- And settin' up these idiotic lights!**

**The seventh really annoying about Christmas is:**

**Xavier: -sitting in a pile of paper- Five months of bills!**

**Amara: -trying to melt the windows shut- Stupid frikkin' snow!**

**Ororo: -trying to douse the gravy- Fifty things to cook!**

**Jazz: Way too much punch! –moans-**

**Scott: -attempting to wash out his eyes with soap, misses, and screams- Too many red things!**

**Lance: -now blocking the windows, which the carolers are trying to break- Annoying carolers!**

**Logan: -hunting for replacement bulbs- And settin' up these idiotic lights!**

**The eighth really annoying thing about Christmas is:**

**Kurt: -trying to get in, but Lance is blocking all the entrances- Sneakin' in your girlfriend!**

**Xavier: Five months of bills! –slumps against desk-**

**Amara: -wrapped in a parka and glaring at the world- Stupid frikkin' snow!**

**Ororo: -discovers her apron is now on fire- Fifty things to cook!**

**Jazz: Wa-ay too much punch… -groans and falls over-**

**Scott: -is now crying- Too many red things!**

**Lance: -like I said, trying to block all entrances- Annoying carolers!**

**Logan: -Having fixed the one light, is climbing a ladder to string them up- And settin' up these ever-lovin' lights!**

**The ninth really annoying thing about Christmas is:**

**Jamie: Batteries-not-included!**

**Kurt: -tries to bamf in but slams against Jean's shield- Sneakin' in your girlfriend!**

**Xavier: Five months of bills! –begins to bang head against desk-**

**Amara: -drinking hot, hot, hot chocolate like there's no tomorrow- Stupid frikkin' snow!**

**Ororo: -sits down, sniffling- Fifty things to cook!**

**Jazz: -looking at the empty bowl- Not near enough punch…**

**Scott: -trying to ask the professor if there's any other color his shades come in- Too many red things!**

**Lance: -still trying to keep the doors shut- Annoying carolers!**

**Logan: -falls off ladder- And settin' up these –BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP- lights!**

**The tenth really annoying thing about Christmas is:**

**Jean: Cajuns in my kitchen! **

**Jamie: Batteries-not-included!**

**Kurt: -back outside, rallying the carolers- Sneakin' in your girlfriend!**

**Xavier: Five months of bills!**

**Amara: -muffled because she's wrapped up in all the blankets in the mansion- Stupid frikkin' snow!**

**Ororo: Fifty things to cook! –blows nose on apron-**

**Jazz: Uhhh… somethin' somethin' punch.**

**Scott: -has failed to get the professor to listen to him, and is having his views of the world challenged- Too many red things!**

**Lance: -Is having major problems defending the mansion now that Kurt's joined the fight- Annoying carolers!**

**Logan: -using his claws to climb up the side of the mansion- And settin' up these idiotic lights!**

**The eleventh really annoying thing about Christmas is**

**Hank: -trying to calm everyone down- Stopping all this chaos!**

**Jean: CAJUNS IN MY KITCHEN!**

**Jamie: Batteries-not-included! –crying-**

**Kurt: -trying to distract Lance- Sneakin' in your girlfriend!**

**Xavier: -still banging his head against his desk- Five months of bills!**

**Amara: -hiding beneath the couch- Stupid frikkin' snow!**

**Ororo: -using lightning to barbecue the chicken- It's not conventional…**

**Jazz: -hiccups- I miss my punch…**

**Scott: -has given up all hope- Too many red things!**

**Lance: -nearly given up as well- Annoying carolers!**

**Logan: -almost finished, and is pleased… until he falls off the roof again- -BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!-**

**AND THE TWELFTH REALLY ANNOYING THING ABOUT CHRISTMAS IS:**

**M.A.: -rubbing temples- Makin' up these lyrics!**

**Hank: -huddling beneath the table, his fur singed- Hiding from this chaos!**

**Jean: AND STAY OUT!**

**Jamie: Hey, I can ask Ray…**

**Kurt: -is making out with Amanda, having gotten in-**

**Xavier: -sobbing- Back to the nine hundred number… -slides turban over head-**

**Amara: -powers up- Pyro may be able to control me, but I'm warm!**

**Ororo: I GIVE UP! THAT'S IT! NEXT YEAR, I'M CELEBRATING KWANZAA!**

**Jazz: Punch punch punch!**

**Scott: -sniffles- So much red… 's not fair…**

**Lance: -being attacked by the carolers- Have I mentioned I think you're all great singers?**

**Logan: AH, THE HELL WITH IT!"**

Kitty looks up. "I guess Chanukah isn't so bad after all… All we need's a menorah and a dreidel at most…"

"And the moral of that song is, you need to know when to give up!" John cried, and cackled madly. "Now, what are you guys doing?" he asks Remy.

All four of the conspirators stop dead and look up like deer in headlights. "Doin'? Why y' t'ink we're doin' somethin'?" Remy asks, with that oh-so-nervous grin again.

"Because you're doin' the 'please-believe-me-why-won't-my-empathy-kick-in' nervous grin," John replies with a sage nod.

"Damn," Remy mutters. "Forgot y' have labels for everythin'."

Rogue steps in. "We're tryin' ta, um, spice up the Christmas food."

"Can we help?"

"How about you guys keep watch while we sneak out?" Rogue suggests.

"Sounds boring," John says, frowning.

"You have to keep people's attention off us, in any. Way. Possible."

"Like burning things?"

"No, but ya can do anythin' else," Rogue replies.

"Good enough for me," Wanda says, dragging off John.

A FEW MINUTES LATER…

We see Rogue and Remy sneak off outside with Sam while Rahne heads for the kitchen. However, what's of interest right now is John and Wanda.

They grin evilly. "Hi," Wanda says. "As you know, I'm the Scarlet Witch and this is Pyro. And we're here to talk to you about how the professor really gets his money."

The professor's head jerks up. "NOOO!"

"You see, in the seventies, astrology-"

"Shut up!"

The resulting argument was more than enough distraction for Rahne to change into wolf form, dash past Ororo and into the kitchen. Jean, seeing this, instantly throws up her shield again.

Rahne ignors this and grabs the chicken off the counter. She began to worry it, and ran out, Jean and Ororo chasing after her.

However, Jean's shield remained in place, necessitating the use of Sam's powers.

There was a very loud CRASH!!! as he slammed through the window.

"My kitchen!" Jean cries, and tries to turn back, but her path is blocked by the persistant Wolfsbane.

"Now what?" Sam asks.

Remy pulls that bottle out of his pocket again and begins to pour it over everything. "Now, we run like hell!" he cries, dropping the bottle as Jean rushes at them.

They manage to escape and end up hiding in the boathouse, all panting. "So, that went well," Rogue says.

"By what standard?" Sam asks.

"Doesn't matter," says Remy. "Let's jus' get outta here! _Chere?_"

"We can't leave just yet, swamp rat," Rogue replies.

"Why not?" Remy asks, cocking his head.

"Gotta do the endin'," Rogue informs him. "Come on, you two."

BACK AT THE MANSION, FOR THE CHEESY YET REQUIRED ENDING...

Everyone is lined up all nice and pretty in front of the tree. Storm has summoned a little snowstorm that is just enough to dust the place in a cutesy little blanket of melting white.

"All right, all together now," says the professor.

"**Everyone: We wish you a merry Christmas**

**You already know this song, so how 'bout this?**

**Logan: -has acquired a set of reindeer antlers from somewhere, which are jingling like crazy; Logan, needless to say, is twitching- Dashing through the snow**

**In a one-horse open sleigh**

**'Ore the fields we go, laughing all the way! -forces laughter-**

**Bells on bobtail- Who's Bob?" **

"Don't ask!" snaps the professor.

"**Logan: Oh all right!**

**Bells on bobtail ring**

**Making spirits bright**

**What fun -pulls a face- it is to laugh and sing**

**A sleighing song tonight!**

**Everyone: Oh, jingle bells**

**Magsy smells**

**Raven layed an egg**

**Oh what fun it is to mock bad guys today!**

**Kurt: -wearing a Santa hat and smirking- Up on the housetop the reindeer pause**

**Out jumps good old Kurty Claus!**

**Down through the window with lots of noise**

**All for Amanda, Christmas joys!" **

"On Boom Boom, on Sunspot, on Magma, on Wolfsbane! And use some water to clean that punch stain!" Kurt cries.

**"Iceman: Deck the halls with power negaters!**

**Not much nonsense rhymes with -aters!**

**Tis the season to block powers!**

**I really admire Austin Powers!**

**Don we now our tight black spandex!**

**It's way harder to rhyme spandex!**

**Quote the ancient bard of somewhere!**

**Shadowcat can walk on air!**

**See the blazing mutant before us!**

**Hope she don't get hit by a bus!**

**Strike the gong and make more lyrics!**

**Sing the rhyme the author pi-icks!**

**Follow me in real old dance steps!**

**Destroy the first season Evo eps!**

**Pietro: Good King Wensless- Um, ok, one more time!**

**Good King Wensesslass went- No, hmm, all right, one more time!**

**Good King Westershire sauce went forth-"**

"Good King waxed mint floss? What kind of a name is this for a king? Whatever happened to good King Roger or good King Stan?"

"JUST SING!" everyone else shouts.

"All right!"

"**Good King Wenceslas looked out**

**On the feast of Stephen**

**Everything looked out of whack**

**His glasses were uneven!**

**Brightly shone the sky that night**

**On that cockeyed ye-egg!**

**Last one in the swimming pool**

**Is a rotten e-egg!" **

Pietro runs off hooting about waxed mint floss. There is a pause as everyone tries to deal with this, then shrug as one and go on.

"**Everyone: Now we've wished you a merry Christmas**

**Though our songs were made up real fast**

**We still wish you a merry Christmas**

**Or whatever you choose!" **

"Like Chanuka!" Kitty cries.

"Or Kwanzaa!" Ororo agrees.

After that... um, inspiring ending, the group breaks up.

"Well, was that worth the effort?" Jazz asks, sipping more of her punch.

"I think you've had enough," M.A. replies. "And yes, it was. Now I can get back to work... if you'll cooperate for once."

"Let me have more punch and I'll do anything you want."

"Good girl."

"Now what?"

"Now we wrap it up."

We see everyone in their respective pairings- Rahm, LoRo, Kurmanda (shudder), Lancitty (double shudder), Jonda, Ray/Tabby, and we see the members of Romy sneaking out, discussing airplane food.

It's all very Christmas-y and nice.

And now ends **_A very X-men -insert holiday here!-_**


End file.
